Celebrity Forum

[phatguru]

101 Reasons Why Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Will Break Up:

# Sam likes the Dixie Chicks.
# Lindsay likes Brett Michaels.
# Sam likes Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
# Lindsay likes Best Week Ever.
# Hollywood doesn’t seem to care about their lesbian relationship, thereby mitigating the effects of Lindsay’s “I’m going to do whatever I want, even if it is explosive, irregardless of your heavy scrutiny”.
# Sam became a lesbian because she didn’t receive any attention from guys.
# Lindsay became a lesbian because she received too much attention from guys. Soon she will miss that.
# If Lindsay stays a lesbian, she will start to realize there are actually better looking women out there.
# Lindsay will tell Sam that she thinks Britney Spears is kinda hot. Sam will fume.
# Lindsay wants to be different than Paris Hilton. Congrats. You dated a girl. You are different. Now go back to making movies and dating guys.
# Sam knows Lindsay is not a true lesbian.
# Sam can hear an actual clock ticking in her head as to when Lindsay will wake up from her yearlong slumber, look at Sam, say “WTF” and run out of their home.
# Sam knows every guy and girl checks out Lindsay when they go out together, and it drives her crazy.
# Lindsay is curvy, Sam is bony, Sam should be curvy, but Sam is not curvy.
# Lindsay likes to shop for clothes, get her hair done, and talk about boys.
# Sam doesn’t know how to do those things.
# Sam got her first arousal when seeing Lindsay in the Parent Trap.
# Lindsay was 12 when she filmed that movie.
# Lindsay got her first arousal when seeing Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise.
# When Lindsay first met Sam, she thought she was a guy.
# When Sam first met Lindsay, she shat her pants.
# Sam doesn’t know why Lindsay likes her so much.
# Lindsay refuses to classify herself as a lesbian.
# Sam has T-shirts which say PROUD LESBIAN on the front.
# Lindsay said she does not know what she will be in 5 years, 5 months, or 5 days from now.
# Sam knows exactly what she will be like in 50 years from now.
# Sam constantly asks herself how she landed the hottest young star in Hollywood.
# Sam is losing sleep and hair over Lindsay being 3x as hot as her.
# Sam has a job, thereby making it difficult to lose sleep.
# Sam is a DJ; Lindsay has to shake her butt at the DJ booth to keep Sam happy.
# Sam will find herself distracted by Lindsay’s womanly curves, thereby interrupting her DJ sets.
# Lindsay will get a kick out of distracting Sam during her sets. Sam cannot say anything for fear of losing the biggest love conquest known to woman.
# Sam will speak with Dr Phil to try and overcome her fear of losing Lindsay.
# Dr Phil will tell Sam that Lindsay is much hotter than her, and she is correct in fearing that she might lose Lindsay.
# This will increase Sam’s fear even more. Sam will become paralyzed with fear.
# Sam will turn to Lindsay for help; Lindsay will just giggle and start dancing.
# Lindsay hasn’t landed a decent acting gig in over 3 years. Sam does not respect that.
# Wide age gaps do not work well in Hollywood. Sam is 11 years older, thereby 11 years more crafty, cunning, and clever.
# Sam liked to read The Sun.
# Lindsay likes to read USA Today.
# Sam’s IQ is 30 points higher than Lindsay’s.
# Lindsay refuses to let Sam call her Lin.
# Sam lets Lindsay call her anything she wants.
# The media has shied away from the couple. Lindsay isn’t getting the attention she is used to.