Amber Heard Movie:

		List Price: $9.98		Label: Starz / Anchor Bay Salesrank: 88832 Released: October 7, 2003
		Our Price: $28.99
		Used Price: $16.98
		MPAA Rating: R (Restricted) Media: DVD

Neon Maniacs Reviews:
I Didn't Know There Was A Kellog's Cereal Called C3PO's!
2008-04-19 - The Neon Maniacs are a gang of mutant monsters that live inside the Golden Gate Bridge. We never find out just who or what they are, but we do know that they come out at night to slaughter people, and that water kills them. They use a variety of weapons including crossbows, swords, axes, guns and chains. Each creature seems to have it's own theme. There's a samurai, a doctor, a biker without a nose, an ape, a soldier, a Native American(he uses a tomahawk), a Toxic Avenger lookalike, a reptilian beast, an electricity shooting robotic type, and a few more. They look sort of like a zombie/monster version of the Village people. Natalie is the sole survivor of the opening Neon Maniac massacre(it's stated she's a virgin, so naturally that's how she must have survived), and soon becomes their new target. Why? How the hell do I know? So Natalie teams up with new boyfriend, Stephen and a horror movie obsessed girl named Paula. Naturally the police are useless, even when they become involved. Natalie, Stephen and Paula have a few chases and escapes with the Neon maniacs, but it all comes to a head at the battle of the bands at the local high school where we get treated to the rocking sounds of Quiet Riot wannabees, Jaded. We also get a few tunes from Stephen's fruity A-HA clone of a band. Armed with squirt guns they go toe to toe with the Neon Maniacs.
Yup, this movie is about as dumb as it sounds, but that's what makes it a fun little B monster flick. Stephen and Natalie break numerous horror movie safety rules, the cops are about as cliched as it gets, the music doesn't fit, and the monsters are silly(yet cool looking regardless), but these are all good things. To me this film comes across as a kind of horror version of the Garbage Pail Kids movie. Mindless monster fun.

"THEY LIVE... SO OTHERS MAY DIE!"
2007-09-03 - Entertaining and above average 80's effort starring 12 so-called "Neon Maniacs," and zero plot. That being said, there is enough here to keep you interested for 90 minutes or so. You have the music and style of the 80's to cringe and laugh at, you also get the maniacs themselves which carry oh so original names such as, AX (he carries an ax), DOC (he's an evil doctor), ARCHER (ugh... you get it!), and so forth. The film moves along quickly and by the end you know exactly the same amount about the maniacs as when it started... yep, they're ugly and mean(you do get to know how to defeat them) and kill, well; because they are the bad guys of course! Don't ask so many questions already! Just put your brain on cruise control and enjoy the show... oh, and be prepared to laugh and shake your head. By the way, this movie reminded me alot of CHUD(which is WAY better) so if you've seen that and thought it was unwatchable then don't waste your time here.

Stupid and Brainless,But I still find it fun to watch
2007-08-21 - To try to tell the plot of this movie is like trying to tell someone about a bad dream,it was real to you but makes no sense to anyone else. Still I'll try and give you the run down.
It seems that these........ uh..... Well maniacs have always lived inside the Golden Gate bridge and for some reason decide that now is time to leave and slaughter most of the population of San Francisco. They , as one reviewer states, appear to be the Village People with more than the Y.M.C.A. on their mind. Their only weakness is strangely water, which must make living near the water very rough, and a few of the teens who manage to stay alive get ready to send these nasty suckers off to sing "In the Navy" with water guns, hoses, even beer cans.
It sounds and is silly I know but it has the effect of watching a 3rd grade play unfold, Not very good but the kids sure try hard. The gore level is high so if you don't like that skip it, but if you just want to "kill" a little time this might be for you.

Who's That Trip-Trapping Over My Bridge?...
2007-06-29 - Beware! The gates of heck have been thrown open, unleashing the NEON MANIACS! Virtually unstoppable, these odeus freakers are immune to every known defense, save one. It's a rare chemical known to savvy scientists as "H-2-O"! So, unless it rains, or someone uses a squirtgun on them, these maniacal murderers will inherit the globe! Sure, their get-ups are dorky and their shambling needs work, but hey, their masks are fairly cool! Leilani Sarelle is okay as Natalie, the girl who knows too much about these critters. Donna Locke (in her one and only role, ever) is very good as Paula, the horror-obsessed / Nancy Drew type gal who tracks the Maniacs to their lair. She's probably my favorite character in NM, as she reminds me of the horror movie nut in DEADLY SPAWN. The rest of this movie is hit and miss, w/ the "battle of the bands" sequence being the most wretchedly inept part. I cheered when the Maniacs arrived, hoping for an 80s big-hair bloodbath. Alas, only a scant few were slaughtered, leaving the vast majority to run aimlessly back and forth in the gym. What good are maniacs that can't wipe out a gaggle of trapped teenagers?? Sheesh! I also had my hopes up for a rainstorm flesh-melting massacre ala DEVIL'S RAIN. Nope, just a little sprinkle! Still, NEON MANIACS is harmless, mindless fun if you're in the right mood...

Zombos Closet Review
2005-12-20 - The introductory scene was an odd one to be sure; a fisherman on the Golden Gate Bridge heads home for the night. He passes a big metal door beneath the bridge and finds a bunch of Tarot-like cards in a bleached white cattle skull (sure, why not?). Each card depicts a neon maniac, and as he stoops to look at them, the door opens quietly in back of him. Cue the axe wielding deformed maniac standing over him as he looks at the axe wielding deformed maniac's card. The next thing you see is the axe going up and coming down, and another fisherman is quickly dispatched in typical scream screen style. I quickly reached for the DVD liner notes to see if I had missed something explaining the significance of using the trading cards. Nope. Okay, it looked like the director was going for ambiance there; no sense, but lots of ambiance. Perhaps he was aiming for a marketing tie-in: neon maniac trading cards, with bubble-gum; see the movie, and then trade them with your friends. Hmmm...maybe not, seeing this film was rated R.

I read more of the liner notes. "...it's the neon maniacs, a group of ruthless, outrageously attired and made-up killers who emerge from beneath the Golden Gate Bridge to wreak havoc on helpless teenagers" and fisherman too, apparently. "Where the Maniacs come from is never explained, nor why they live so close to San Francisco Bay, considering that water...is the only thing that can harm them." Wonderful, I thought, not only are they hideously deformed and fashion-phobic, they are dumb too. My favorite quote from the liner notes, however, would have to be this one: "...and the producer now says, "It was a much better script than a movie..." That quote is a keeper.

And, yes, they do look like some devil's version of the Village People, except for that midget dinosaur, with the one eye in the middle of its head. What exactly is that thing?

After the teenage slaughter in the park, the cops, of course, do not believe the lone survivor. The lone survivor, played by Leilani Sarelle in a very subdued performance as Natalie, heads home and...jumps into the backyard pool for a dip. After watching her friends get beheaded, hung, and gleefully mutilated by the village people from hell, she puts on a bathing suit, in the middle of the night, and goes for a dip in the backyard pool. Did I mention that she was all alone and it was the middle of the night, and, oh yes, her friends were horribly mutilated by deformed and apparently dangerous criminals that could be, at that very moment, lurking in the bushes just waiting to kill her too? Oh, look, right on cue...there's that funny looking hairy cave-man looking neon maniac reaching out to her...and, oh, conveniently it started to rain.

Enter the stereotypic spoiled and precocious adolescent, who just so happens to be a budding horror director, sticking her nose into the mystery of the missing teenagers. Played by Donna Locke, the character of Paula is really annoying in that I told you so and I know better because I am rich and can afford all this camera equipment kind of way. With her baseball cap tilted to one side, and her strong willed determinism, I was hoping she would be gobbled up in no time by the midget dinosaur, but, as luck would have it, she was scripted to survive. And also to be smarter then the police; although they are smart enough to find the green goop that the monsters leave behind, only she is smart enough to follow the obvious trail of green goop droppings that leads to the big metal doors. No trading cards or cattle skull this time, just dead white pigeons in front of the doors. If any film ever cried out for a commentary track, this is the one.

Putting the green goop and dead white pigeons together, metaphorically, Paula comes back later that night with her really expensive video equipment that can shoot night scenes without a light source, and hides behind some bushes to stake out the metal doors. She watches as the neon maniacs leave their hiding place, only to be turned back by the rain. One of them trips into a puddle of water and starts bubbling, so she now knows their weakness. More terror ensues as a neon maniac goes after Paula while she is sleeping, but she quickly dispatches him with a water pistol, bucket of water, and the trusty standby, the bathtub. Why is it always so easy for stalking monsters to find their victims home addresses?

Paula, Natalie, and the token handsome but nerdish boyfriend, quickly devise a plan to arm every High School student with water pistols. I am not sure where they could have found so many water pistols in so short a time, but there they were, armed and ready, at the Sock Hop versus Alice Cooper wannabees band contest later that night at the High School. They, of course, gave everyone a water pistol, but unfortunately forgot to tell them when to use the darn things: so that plot device was conveniently forgotten when the neon maniacs showed up on the dance floor. A few dismemberments later, panic ensues, and the students are getting sliced and diced, and julienned in short order fashion. Paula finally grabs the fire hose, in plain view, and douses the monsters but good. Of course, in true scream screen logic, Natalie and the token handsome boyfriend, run away from the safety of that big wet water hose, and up a few flights of stairs to the Principal's Office, which, of course IS LOCKED because it is after hours and the principal has gone home for the night. Along the way, the graphic grue scene with the neon maniac surgeon stands out in an otherwise gore-lite film.

Now that the Principal's Office is unavailable (why did you head there anyway?), our frightened and apparently dumb teenagers are being hunted by more neon maniacs, so they decide to make out. Huh?

The police, in a 1950's styled these kids are crazy but what the hell we've got no other choice approach, along with the fire department, converge in front of the metal doors underneath Golden Gate Bridge. Whipping out their water pistols, and hoses, they opene the doors and search the surprisingly small storage space. Nothing is found, and the kids are derisively told to get the hell out of there. Of course, the obtuse detective in charge of this bizarre series of events, heads back into the creepy storage space without any backup and sans water pistol. Oh, yes, and do make sure to open the back doors on that ambulance, you know, the one with all the weird lights and sounds coming from it. He gets hooked, literally, and so ends this very strange film. Believe it or not.