Jessica Biel Movie:

Editorial Review:
The 2003 version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre adheres to the pure and simple slasher movie formula: Introduce a gaggle of sexy young people, make vague gestures to distinguish them--Jessica Biel (Summer Catch) wants to get married and doesn't like pot, so she's our moral compass--then start hacking them to pieces one by one. The visual palette includes grimy crucified dolls, fly-specked pig carcasses, body parts floating in murky jars, a tobacco-chewing redneck sheriff, and many slender beams of sunlight cutting through dank, dusty interiors. The camera lovingly photographs Biel's tank-topped bosom and sculpted abs as she's running in terror from a bloated, chainsaw-wielding, human-skin-wearing maniac. This remake lacks the macabre comedy of the original; it's all about the nauseating sensation of waiting for something to jump out of the dark. Also featuring Eric Balfour (Six Feet Under) and R. Lee Ermey (Full Metal Jacket, Mail Call). --Bret Fetzer

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre [Region 2] Reviews:
"...I don't know about you guys, but I happen to like my teeth right where they are..."
2008-09-03 -
Introduction: For starters, I never really planned on watching anything related to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series, mostly because it reaches outside the type horror films that I can stand to watch (and no, I'm not talking teen-slasher flicks). Excessive amounts of blood and gore have never been a selling point nor a entertainment factor for me, yet the curiosity of wanting to see what the hub-bub about this film was about (and why it was considered so excellent among Horror aficionados) drew me toward the film regardless. That and I learned Mike Vogel was in it. That aside, I went into watching this film with no knowledge of the prior films before it, beyond what I've seen on television during the Halloween season and I'm happy to say that I was not disappointed. The Michael Bay produced remake of TTCMR lives up to praise and becomes far more than just another slash-happy gore fest of a film.



(Spoilers)
Plot: On August 18th, in the summer of 1973, five young collage students (Kemper, Andy, Pepper, Morgan, and Erin) are on their way Lynyrd Skynyrd concert in Dallas, Texas, carrying with them a piñata full of marijuana (unbeknownst to Kemper's girlfriend, Erin). Their journey is delayed, however, when they nearly hit a young woman wandering in the road. Against the wishes of the three boys, Pepper and Erin usher the girl off the road into their van; Obviously traumatized, the girl falls into a fit of madness when she realizes they are taking her to get help. She kills herself with a hidden firearm, frightening the five young men and women. When they go to find the proper authorities they get the run-around from the townspeople. Kemper and Erin (Jessica Biel) are directed to an old farm house to contact the police. In their absence a policeman arrives and carries the girl's body away. When Kemper goes missing, Erin and Andy (Mike Vogel) venture back to the old farm house to search for him only to be attacked a wild-man with a chainsaw, realizing too late, that they've become the unfortunate players in game of cat and mouse.



Like Silent Hill (Widescreen Edition), this movie scared the bejesus out of me; I probably spent more time pausing the DVD to catch my breath and composing myself before re-immersing my buzzing imagination into the horror; It literally left me shaken. The great thing about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre though is that the film is no in hurry to reveal Leatherface to the audience. Instead it invests about the first half hour or more into the five young adults that will more than likely become the victims of Leatherface's chainsaw.

Depending on your taste in characters, you'll find yourself caring about what happens to them throughout the duration of the film. They won't be just another bunch of jaded twenty somethings you'll be more than glad to see die. Whomever is your favorite, your gonna hate it when they perish. When Leatherface is revealed, you'll have a hard time trying not cover your eyes if your the squeamish type (which I am). TCMR is completely unapologetic in its violence, blood and gore. Naturally some things may be censored for extreme graphic violence, but a lot of will be shown and in a slow painstaking manner. The filthy surroundings, semi-saturated contrast of the film, and the sweat running off many of the actors set the tone of the movie. The setting of the film actually feels like the 1970s instead of rural southern area in modern world of the 21st century. And somewhere during the film I realized that Jessica Biel's man-beater shirt was simply used to stimulate the male populace, should they become bored. I'm not just saying that.

Performances in TCMR are far beyond what is usually given to the audience in a horror movie; Not a single person was just going through the motions of screaming and running for their lives; They invested all their talent and range into bringing these characters to life. Jessica Biel really proved that she could move past the staple that she once-associated with [7th Heaven], becoming a full fledged actress with her performance as Erin. Granted most of it was composed of "screaming", yet even when she was Biel was fantastic. The then-newcomer, Mike Vogel, (Cloverfield) fresh off his earlier two films, Grind, and MTV's Wuthering Heights, would become famous for loosing his leg to Leatherface; his performance in the movie overall, was a memorable one. Ironically, the actors playing the other three young adults were persons I've seen in movies before, they certainly didn't disappoint in their performances either. And lastly, Leatherface was a gruesome character, who plays out more like a misunderstood "freak" you'd be more than happy see get beaten by Jessica Biel. The only negative thing I can say about TTCMR is the fact its third act is a little drawn out in some places, but overall its a great horror flick. --- [a 4 out of 5]

modern horror cinema is not for the squeamish
2008-09-01 - both films are excellent . the original and this outstanding remake . i resisted seeing it for perhaps six months after its' theatrical release . my nephew encouraged me to watch it with him (which made his mom quite livid) . i was awestruck by how brilliantly it spins its' yarn . great character acting and developement for the genre . honest , no holds barred storytelling that will deeply reward those who seek its' vicarious thrills and unflinching stare into a horrific aspect of our society . one of several exceptional horror remakes .

Great edition to the series
2008-08-27 - i personally dont look at this movie as being a remake. because if youve seen all of these chainsaw movies youll know they often times use a different sick and demented family of cannibals to tell the same basic story of some unlucky people getting stranded or whatever in the middle of nowhere and crossing paths with these familys. then it becomes a disturbing terror fest of screams blood and gore while they try to escape. so basically they all could be called remakes in a way with the exception of part 2 which kinda carries over from the original with some of the same family members and the beginning which is a prequel to the remake obviously with the same family members. but anyway i personally love this one. in fact i love every chainsaw movie so far with part 3 being my favorite. i love how they portray these crazy familys. and with that being said r lee ermys character sheriff hoyt just rocks hes so sick but so funny at the same time. if you like this one and havent seen or heard of the beginning check it out he plays him in it to where he is also sick and funny. id recommend watching it first giving the name obviously you get to see how the family got that way and a disturbing look at how leatherface was born.

As ineffective as it is unnecessary
2008-08-15 - I couldn't agree more with the reviewer who stated "If ain't broke, don't fix it". It's been about five years now since the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake surfaced, and there are many mixed opinions of it. Enough time has passed to analyze the movie, and I honestly feel that the original has managed to age better over 35 years than this one has over a mere 5 years. However, this is hardly surprising when dealing with a film that's as indicative of its time as TCM 2003.

The basic frame work of the story we witnessed in the original is in tact, but a lot of the details were changed. The film begins with five young adults on a roadtrip across rural Texas set to the tune "Sweet Home Alabama" of course to establish that we are in the 70's. After picking up a hitchhiker who promptly takes her own life in the backseat, the youths are put in a situation that calls for desperate help. However the only aid they can hope for is that of a family in the Texas backwoods, and as we quickly learn, they don't turn out to be very friendly. The rest pretty much plays out as your typical modern day slasher flick, now with 25% more cleavage.

Absolutely any comparison to the original is futile, so I won't even waste time trying. To hope that this would ever be as good is simply hoping too much, but at the very least this remake could have paid a little more homage, or perhaps it could have tried making a few references to the original even if just to appease the old school fans, which undoubtedly comprised a good chunk of this film's target audience. Judging by Jessica Biel's wet t-shirt and the fact that marijuana was incorporated in the movie, it's not too hard to figure out that this is another piece of glitzy Hollywood horror aimed towards teens, like so many others these days.

Perhaps the biggest sin committed here is that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre aided in setting the low standard for other remakes of prestigious horror classics, including The Omen and Halloween to name a couple. As in almost any case such as this, I'd say stick with the original.

Jessica Wins the Wet T-Shirt Contest!
2008-08-03 - Forget the first half of the movie. Synopsis of the second half: Sheriff pours whiskey on Jessica. Jessica runs around in the rain. Jessica falls down the cellar steps and lands in a foot of water. Leatherface notices Jessica starting to dry out and turns on the sprinkler system (and you thought he was a bad man). Jessica runs around in the rain again. This turkey of a movie is a great excuse to ogle Jessica (and she's stunning) but there is nothing else to recommend it.